let me be

today, i walk alone. i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself on my own but somehow i can't shake this lingering feeling of sadness.

here i am. mourning over my loss. but he is fine. he is self-sustaining. i'm the one who keeps coming back for more. how on earth did he become the one that help me sustain my wonderful, sane self? i'm going crazy just by not seeing him.

it's a torture, seeing him everyday. breathing the same air as him. sharing the same space. but it's a sweet torture. a torture that i look forward to. i don't know what will happen when all of this is over. i don't know how long i'll subject myself to this torture. but i do know that i'm not yet ready to live my life without his presence. no matter how tortureous it might be. no matter how badly wounded i'll be. i'll just live my life this way for now.

4/2/2009