emptiness

it's been 4 days. i feel empty. void. lonely even though i'm surrounded by friends. there's a hole in my heart that's threatening to engulf me completely. it's like a black hole. sucking up every bit of life that i had.

i was on the verge of feeling like this before. a few times. but everytime i sensed it, i kept running back to him and promised him countless things just so that he'll be my friend again. just so that he'll be by my side again. making me happy. then he'll hurt me again. i'll cry and distance will come between us....then i'll feel like crap and the cycle goes on and on. it's time to stop.

but thinking is waay easier than done. without him, i'm lost. i kept looking his way...hoping he'll look me way. but alas, that won't happen. he had made a choice. he had made his decision. he already choose someone else. i'm just a friend. that will never change.

it's time for me to experience this loneliness with its full force face on. time for me to feel the full power of this black hole. i need to find my way out of this without him this time. he is the conventional...most effective remedy. but i'm into alternative remedy now

28/1/2009